Photoshopping Parenthood

New parents, instead of just showing us pictures of your kids at your cutest, it would be nice to see pictures of them crying and throwing temper tantrums, or pictures of your many sleepless nights. By posting only the nice and sweet aspects of your child’s life, you’re essentially photoshopping parenthood to remove all the unseemly and unphotogenic parts—you’re portraying a false reality. You’re doing to parenthood what Cosmo does with women’s bodies.

If Camus Texted

Texting somebody who hardly ever texts back is like posting to a twitter account that is being followed by no one. It is a Sisyphean feat of absurd futility. Like screaming your thoughts at a blackened sky whilst standing in an endless desert, you get a sense of your utter insignificance in an indifferent and uncaring universe.

Enrico Fermi and The Walking Dead

The physicist Enrico Fermi looked out at the heavens and posed the question — Where is everybody? — Perhaps he should have considered the possibility that the non-terrestrial lifeforms in the universe just have their own shit to worry about, and are tired after a long day of work, and that nobody really wants to get a pizza and binge-watch the Walking Dead with me … er … us.